Wednesday, August 23, 2006

It's Emotional Rollercoaster Day

Good morning, afternoon, or evening depending on where you are! Well I think today is going to be one of those “I can’t decide what emotional state I’m in” days. This morning wasn’t too bad. Got up and showered and got to work early again, yay me! But while doing my 20 minute drive to Kearney I was listening to my country radio station to listen to Scott & Billy in the Mornin show. That time of morning they always play new songs from artists and let callers rate the songs. This morning they played a song called “I Loved Her First” by Heartland. It’s the perfect father, daughter song for the dance at a wedding. This song of course led me to think about my Dad and my childhood and how much he’s changed since the divorce. In turn this led me to be slightly bummed out and teary eyed (I knew there was a reason I didn’t put my make up on till I got to work).

When I got to Kearney I was craving coffee but didn’t want to drive all the way downtown to get good coffee so I stopped at Arby’s. They have the most wonderful Cinnamon Hazelnut Praline coffee ever. I pulled up to the drive through window and could smell the wonderful aroma. A very nice lady smiled and handed me my coffee and told me to have a nice day. This helped to brighten my mood some.

When I finally got to the courthouse I couldn’t wait to get my sugar in my coffee and have that first blissful sip. So I got the office opened up, got my sugar in my coffee and….sip…ahhh….wonderful relief and comfort. I closed my eyes and took in the nutty cinnamony aroma and imagined I was sitting in a cozy café somewhere with relaxing music and good friends. But then I had to open my eyes and come back to reality.

I was feeling much better until I had to talk with one of our WWII veterans that was in my office a couple of weeks ago. I filled out his application to get him enrolled in the VA medical system so he can get his prescriptions for his cancer cheaper than with his Medicare part D. Two weeks ago when I did that application for him his prognosis looked good and his Dr. thought they would be able to get all of the cancer out with surgery and follow up with some chemo. Well this morning when I talked to him it turned out the Dr. was wrong and it’s just basically a matter of time. They’re still going to try chemo but don’t think it will do a lot of good. The Veteran is taking this news amazingly well and has an amazing outlook. He told me “I’ve lived a good life and have had a wonderful family, I can leave without complaining.” It made me feel some comfort that he feels so good about everything, but still made me angry. This man fought in WWII and lived through battles, gunfire and mortars and it’s cancer that will kill him. We can put men on the moon and little robots on Mars but we can’t find a cure for cancer. It’s just wrong. But miracles can happen so there is always hope I guess.

Now I’m just waiting to see how the rest of the day will go. I’m dreading picking up Little Guy tonight. He threw the biggest fit I have ever seen him throw last night when I picked him up from daycare. I handled it amazingly well I thought…I didn’t throttle him. It was actually somewhat comical at times. I do love children and I do love Little Guy but he drives me absolutely insane at times. Sometimes I think I would probably feel differently if he were actually my real son, but he’s not and I get frustrated with his parents. His mother has abandoned him again which leaves me as the mother figure and puts stress on me that I really don’t want or need at the moment and in a lot of ways am not ready for nor equipped for. I’ve raised animals, that’s it! Even they “laugh” at me when I give them a command, not sure why I think a 5 year old will listen much better. His father the Husband is just wrapped around Little Guys sticky little fingers. He is getting better but I usually pan out to be the bad guy with a lot of things. I hate being the enforcer to a child that is neither mine nor really my full responsibility. I also think the Husband inadvertently uses Little Guy as leverage when I’m talking about possibly wanting him to move out. Frustrating!!! Ah well, it’s all part of what makes life life. I am one of those that believes everything happens for a purpose, I just think sometimes I’m the daft idiot that doesn’t understand what I’m supposed to do or learn from it. :P Well I’d better look like I’m doing something here at work for a while. I’ m sure this will not be my only post for the day. I have to make up for everyone else who hasn’t updated their blogs in a few days. Come on people, I need reading material!!! :P Have a good one!!


At 10:14 AM , Blogger Coyote Mike said...

You mean me with that last statement, don't you.

At 10:33 AM , Blogger SuvvyGirl said...

Mike: LOL Yes you and Amber, plus some of the ones I read off of your links. :P

At 3:25 PM , Blogger Faris said...

I'm a tea person, but I enjoy coffee now and then. I'm glad you had that to make up for a poor start.

At 3:44 PM , Blogger SuvvyGirl said...

I like mint tea. Of course it has to have sugar but it's my fav. It'd be great if the rest of my day would have just leveled out there after the coffee. But unfortunately it ultimately has come to suck! I'm sure fume all about it in another posting. :P


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