Friday, October 02, 2009

The Love Guru and the Curse

Well the Love Guru has still been called into action this week. Smalls and Specs had their first really big fight and it was absolutely insane listening to the two of them yesterday. I honestly believe that once you enter into a relationship there is a curse that grabs a hold of you and you are not able to understand each other when you speak. It’s like the part on Finding Nemo where the cute baby sea turtle Squirt is trying to tell Dory and Marlin how to properly exit the East Australian Current. Marlin cannot understand a word Squirt says! I deal with this particular problem even in my own marriage. Hubby will say something and he can be speaking plain English but I will hear something totally different by the time my overactive brain takes into account voice tone, body language and possible hidden meaning. As couples we always think our other half is talking in code. Our normal ways of communicating get turned into deciphering ancient tongues when in all reality we really are meaning what we are actually saying.

Here is my theory on how this horrible curse takes hold. When you get past that first initial mushy, lovely phase of a relationship the gloves are off to this horrible curse. Once you hit a certain level of comfort with one another and actually start talking about the “future” it all goes to hell in a handbasket. Most of us are unfortunately hardwired to start focusing on the future and setting unreasonable expectations. Now I will say that I think women have a bigger issue with this than men, don’t get me wrong men do it too; just not to the degree that us women do. And by setting those ridiculous expectations and focusing on the future we drive each other absolutely batty. We turn into these crazed people. At first we actually try to meet some of our partner’s expectations but lord knows that does not help the situation. Because by the time we realize that these expectations are plain loony it’s too late. Our partners have already gotten used to us meeting these silly expectations. And at the same time we are behaving exactly the same way towards our partners and just don’t see it. It is an evil, vicious circle! And this circle my friends is where the lines of communication turn us into Navajo Wind Talkers trying to pick out the hidden message.

I believe that the curse can be broken though. It takes a lot of work but it can be done. First thing is you have to learn to be content with how your life is with or without your partner. Not saying that you have to be completely happy with it, but just don’t hate it. If you do hate it fix it before you drag someone else in with you! Because like with all those silly little self help things if you are content with who and where you are someone else will be too. You will be less inclined to act like someone you’re not. After finding this “peace” with yourself and your life comes the next step….DON’T focus so much on the future! When you hear your significant other make small reference to something the two of you should do next year don’t let your imagination run rampant. Don let a possible canoeing trip turn into a full blown fairy tale wedding complete with kids. Now I’m not saying hamper your imagination and daydreaming completely, that would be no fun and unrealistic. But just keep a firm grip on reality and understand there is a difference between reality and your happy ending daydreams. Once you keep that grip on reality you will then be able to enjoy just being with that person, you will be able to see who and what they truly are and therefore you can conquer the curse and communicate like semi intelligent human beings. You will also find with keeping a grip on your reality that it makes it a lot easier to weed out the “bad ones”. When you aren’t forming them into this perfect person in your mind you allow yourself to see their faults and their good points. You are able to decide if there faults are something you can love and live with or not.

Unfortunately the curse can take many forms and cause many speed bumps along the way in relationships but I shall discuss those one bump at a time. These bumps today in my opinion are the first cornerstones to help those budding romances actually bloom.


At 6:53 PM , Anonymous Coyotemike said...

I think this is the point where you tell them both that you don't want to hear it.


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