Still Feels Like Friday

It still feels like it should be Friday. :P At least today is Wednesday, halfway through the week. I’m sluggish at work today. Having a hard time getting started on everything. Part of it is because of my dream last night. I dreamed about Petri again. It’s been about a month since I dreamt of him last. I love the dreams yet I hate them. The feelings I have in the dreams are so overwhelming but they are so wonderful too. They make me never want to wake up from them. They always seem so real. Then I feel so guilty when I wake up and very melancholy. In almost all of the dreams they are never memories. They are like a continuation of him and I.

Last night the one was about him coming back from somewhere and we get back in touch again. In it we had been broken up for as long as we have been in real life but when we reconnect there’s no question about how we feel and we’re together again. I had been married and unmarried in the time he was gone and he’d had all of his girlfriends and stuff. They’re always such confusing dreams. I’ve always been the type of person who believes there’s a reason behind some dreams. Not all, some dreams are just the reaction of that big bean burrito before bed or something, but some dreams do mean something. Needless to say these dreams do not help with leaving him a memory or with my “who am I” phase. It leaves me thinking “if I could just see him once more and feel his touch then I would know how I still feel and know where I’m supposed to be or supposed to be going in my life.” But that sounds like such a silly rationalization. That just seeing an old love would straighten me out on my life. I have always been the type of person that hates not knowing what would happen. I always think of the “what ifs”. Maybe I should learn how to read the crystal ball.

These days like this always put me in the mood to be at a quiet bar with a good friend/friends having a beer or four and talking about absolutely nothing incredibly important but just talking. Coyote Mike is always good for those conversations. The last time we did that we started discussing the Harry Potter books. The conversation wasn’t about anything important but it sticks out in my mind. I think because I was relaxed and not worrying about everything I can’t control. Maybe another day like that will happen for me sometime. One question I want to see your answers to is….Why do we worry so much about what others, even our loved ones, think about some of our most simple thoughts and actions?