My List

Hello blogging people! I hope everyone’s day, night, morning has gone or is going well. Mine day is going okay. It would be even more okay if I had the day off. But who doesn’t feel like that sometimes. I just saw a funny in the ladies bathroom a minute ago. I was waiting to wash my hands and the lady in front of me was trying to use the Febreeze air freshener as soap. LOL She finally realized what she was doing and blamed it on the fact that she didn’t have her glasses on. She didn’t put them on afterwards either, so I hope she is not driving. Today is a gloomy day here weather wise. It’s fairly warm just drizzly out. Supposed to be that way most of the week. They said a chance of snow on Wednesday. I think it should be an official rule that we don’t have snow until after Halloween. But I don’t think Mother Nature likes my ideas on weather.

I have decided that everyone has to go through a “who am I?” phase in their life. So far I’ve met a few people that are my age that are going through it. It’s not a bad thing but can make life rather complicated. I haven’t gone through my “who am I?” phase yet so I guess I won’t complain too much. I’m starting to feel the way I did before I got pregnant. Before I got pregnant I wanted greater things out of myself and just honestly did not know what I exactly wanted. Life and relationship wise. Then I got pregnant and for the week I knew I was life changed dramatically. I changed my priorities and had no problem with it. Now I’m starting to head back into the I have no idea what I want since the miscarriage. I do feel bad because I know the Husband senses this and makes him completely unsure of everything. He has actually talked to me in a nice calm manner. A lot of this is due to the fact of our previous conversations to the pregnancy about our relationship and how I was feeling then. I also think some of it is caused by the notion I think he has found my blog and I’m sure some of my postings are a little more than disconcerting.

I think part of me was able to handle the change of my priorities when I was pregnant because I was doing them for someone else. The baby. I had someone who needed me and I jumped to it. But when it comes to my own needs and wants I don’t know where to start. I used to tell myself to follow my heart. But even my heart doesn’t know what it wants. I am attempting to make a list for myself of things that I really want to do/be. So far this is what I’ve come up with:

1. Get back into shape
2. Start martial arts again on a regular basis, preferably teaching
3. Travel to some of the places I’ve always wanted to go
4. Make more friends
5. Quit being 22 going on 44, I want to be a mature 22 year old.
6. Find mind blowing, no doubt true love (whether it’s finding it with the hubby or whatever, I also want him to find that kind of love too. I know he loves me but I don’t think it’s like that. He deserves it too.)
7. Get my house fixed up the way I want it
8. Quit letting people walk all over me
9. Spend more time with my grandma and family
10. Be truly and undoubtedly happy

Well, that’s not too bad. I’ve come up with ten things so far. I was watching the show Everwood on abc the other night and in it one of the character said “getting what you want is easy. It’s deciding what you want that’s the hard part.” For me that’s a very true statement. So I’ve got a start on what I want now it’s just making them happen. And I have to be patient because not everything happens overnight. Things take time.