1st Assignment-Rusty's Road Trip

Here's the assignment Coyote Mike gave me.

Rusty's Road Trip



Well there I was, mindin my own business in my favorite spot by the river. Just laying there soaking up some sun (us nails like to get a nice bronze every now and then). I was really getting into relaxing with the comfort that there wasn’t a vehicle in sight and I could just lay there in pure enjoyment without the fear of getting stuck in another tire. It was a nightmare the last time that happened.

I was just starting to nod off when vrrooommm…squish….stuck! Again! I couldn’t believe it! I had just been run over by a mini cooper! Who in their right mind goes driving around in the mud in a mini cooper! I didn’t know what I was going to do. I thought that maybe if I’d wiggle around enough I could blow the tire. After all, from my experience mini cooper tires don’t hold up to nails very well.

So I started twisting and pushing and wiggling around as much as possible, but nothing. Then I heard voices coming from inside the car.

“These new “No Flat” tires are great Dude!” Said the passenger. His voice sounded like a mix of hippie Californian and hillbilly Kentuckian.

“Man, you sure are right! These were a great choice for our road trip!” Said the driver whose voice sounded Australian.

Great. I was stuck in a “No Flat” tire on a mini cooper that was being taken on a road trip by an Aussie named Dude and a hippie hillbilly named Man. I didn’t even want to imagine what kind of road trip this would be. But I knew I wasn’t going to be getting free anytime soon so I wiggled around a little more, found a comfy groove and resumed my nap.

Many hours later I awoke to find it was dark outside. We had stopped moving and were parked in an RV camp. Thankfully when we parked I was on the top of the tire and could see everything. Although there wasn’t anything exciting to look at. Just a bunch of big dumb RV’s being used as pack mules to shuffle all of these people around from park to park. I saw Dude and Man get out of the mini cooper and head towards the restrooms.

“Psst!” I said to the car “PSSSTTT!”

“What do you want?!” Asked the car irritably, it was the first break it’d had all day and was very tired.

“Where are we?” I asked

“We are in Oklahoma” Said the car with a sound of great annoyance “The two geniuses’ took a wrong turn and wound up here instead of Colorado.”

“Great! I said angrily “I’m in stuck in a tire in the middle of nowhere!!”

“Like you have much room to talk” Snapped the car “At least you don’t have a NAIL poking into you!”

Well our tempers flared and the car and I got into quite the shouting match. She yelled and beeped her horn and juggled around, I shouted and wiggled and squirmed. We must have been quite a sight because all of the people came out of their RV’s to stare at the car. Dude and Man came running over. Dude took the keys out of his pocket and hit a button. When he did that the car quit and went silent and I followed.

“Alarm must have gone off!” Said Dude

“Yeah but I could have sworn that I heard voices.” Said Man “Must just be hearing things.”

Dude and Man walked away towards a trailer that was set up as a café to grab something to eat. After they were out of earshot the car and I busted out laughing.

“I’m sorry” Said the car “I’m just really tired and annoyed with those two”

“Yeah, I’m sorry too” I said “My name is Rusty”

“I’m Sally” Said the car

Sally and I talked until Dude and Man came back to the car. They got in and folded their seats down and fell off to sleep. Sally and I thought we’d do the same. Just as we drifted off to sleep Dude and Man started snoring.

“You’d think they’d wake themselves up with that racket” Said Sally

“Maybe if you rock them they’ll quit” I said sleepily. Always works for me when I snore

Sally began to gently rock and within a few minutes the horrendous snoring had quit. Sally and I had peace and quiet and drifted off to sleep ourselves. The next morning I awoke to Sally starting up her engine. I yawned and stretched what little I could.

“Where are we headed today?” I asked Sally

“They’re going to attempt to get us to Colorado today.” Said Sally

Man slid into the drivers seat and tried to peel out of the RV Park. It didn’t work out so well since the guy didn’t seem to know how to drive a manual car very well. He grinded Sally’s gears the entire way out of the park and killed her engine twice. Finally he got her going and got on the highway. I watched the different scenery pass as I rolled along still stuck in the tire. Maybe today would be a better day for this road trip.

I thought wrong. No sooner had I started to enjoy myself when Dude turned the radio on. I’m still not sure exactly what they were listening to but it was not music. Sally groaned.

“I’d cover my ears if I could.” She said to me

“At least with this noise on they won’t hear us talk.” I said

So Sally and I spent the afternoon talking and getting to know each other. Sally promised to help me find a way to get unstuck and get back home. We were in the middle of a conversation about the “No Flat” tires when Sally shrieked.

Man stopped the car. “Dude are you sure this is the way to go?” He asked

We were at the end of the paved road looking at the road that stretched ahead. It was nothing but rough rocks and big hills. It didn’t look like a way we should go. I thought that no way would even Dude and Man try to take this road, but yet once again their stupidity prevailed.

“Yeah Man, this is the way the map shows. This part of the road doesn’t last long.” Said Dude

“They won’t!” Gasped Sally

“They will.” I assured her


And sure enough Man ground the gears and started on our way. We bumped along with Sally’s underside and my head getting hit repeatedly with big rocks. Man got the great idea that if we went really fast it would help. We sped up and the bumping and jostling got worse. We went up and down hills, and around turns for miles.

“If he keeps driving me like this I won’t last much further, my brakes are starting to get hot.” Sally said

“Well we have to figure something out and fast!” I said as I saw smoke coming off of one of Sally’s breaks.

“Hold on!” Said Sally. “Let’s make this our road trip.”

All of a sudden she stopped, sent a shock to Man’s hands on the steering wheel and locked the doors.

“Whoa Dude!” Said Man a little scared “What’s goin on?”

“I dunno Man.” Answered Dude “It’s like that movie the Love Bug or Christine.”

Sally revved her engine and took off. She sped up, wound around all the biggest rocks to take us on the smoothest path, and drove the hills like the pro she was. Finally we hit a paved county road and she slowed to a stop and parked. She was plum worn out but happy.

“That was amazing!” I said

“What should we do about those two?” Said Sally a little worried. The reality of what she had just done set in.

“We’ll talk to them.” I said “ We will make a deal that we will let them out if they get me out of your tire and let you do the driving. I think they’re scared enough they’ll listen.”

“You think so?” Asked Sally a little unsure

“Of course, they’re reasonable people, plus, they’ve been smoking that joint for the past 10 miles, they’re mellowed out some.” I giggled

So Sally and I made ourselves known and spoke with Dude and Man about the situation. For some reason that joint made them seem more intelligent (or I had a contact high) but they seemed to be pretty good guys. They agreed to get me out of the tire and let Sally drive. We promised them the best road trip ever. So Sally unlocked the doors and they got to work on getting me out of the tire. It wasn’t as easy as it sounds. With it being a “No Flat” tire I was stuck in there pretty good. Finally they pulled me out with a pair of pliers.

I was free at last and was going to go on one amazing road trip. They sat me on the dashboard inside and Sally took off again. It was amazing. We drove to the top of Pike’s Peak and back down, went to San Francisco where we all got tattoos, went to LA and street raced, we even took in some good vineyards along the way. And let me tell you it was a good thing that Sally was driving.

We went to the Grand Canyon and Sally took us off roading. Then for our final blast before going back home we went to Las Vegas. There we took in shows, shopping, bars and of course the casinos. The producer of the Cirque Del Sol show was so intrigued by Sally he offered to buy her from Dude and Man. But they turned him down. No way would they ever part with their very own live Mini Cooper. After taking in all we could in Las Vegas we headed back home to good ol Nebraska. Sally needed a tune up, I missed my home and it was time for Dude and Man to go back to college. It was the first time I’d ever been happy to get stuck in a tire. We’re all planning another road trip for spring break; we’re going to the Bahamas.