More Me WARNING! VERY LONG

Good morning to anyone who actually reads this. It's time to tell you more about me before I jump into writing about my everyday happenings. And to anyone who already knows my story you don't have to read for my fear of your sheer boredom. :P

Well here I am. I am a 22 year old native Nebraskan. Yes that’s right born and raised here and I actually like it. (Probably because I don’t know any better and have a raging fear of change.) I grew up as an only child with a good childhood. Only moved twice that I remember. I was a very shy and timid child even at home. I preferred playing up in my room with my imaginary sister (whom disappeared around age 7) and playing with my Barbie dolls and Ninja Turtles. My Barbie’s weren’t just regular Barbie’s. They went on secret missions for the CIA and helped the Turtles defeat Shredder and their other foes many times over. Then after they had had enough of the spy life they turned into an ongoing soap opera. And I didn’t like to share my Barbie’s. My best friend and I would have to play something else when she came over because someone else playing with my Barbie’s just messed up my whole story line. When I wasn’t playing with my Barbie’s I was outside playing in my playhouse my Dad built just for me. I loved it and it had one of those Mr. Ed doors. That was my favorite part. I also loved our animals. We had 3 dogs. One of whom was mine. His name was Max; he was a standard black poodle. Only I forbid making him look stupid with those stupid hair cuts people give to poodles. I also had a cat…Mabeline. She was my best friend and usually went wherever I did. When summer time would come I would go stay with my grandparents for most of it. My grandparents lived in a very small town here in Nebraska and had a big house with a huge yard and a small forest of locust trees that I would play in. I spent my summers there playing with my other best friend. We’d ride bikes all over town playing cops and robbers with the other kids; we’d have tea parties with grandma’s old tea cups and pretend we were drinking beer. Most of these things were of course my idea; hence that’s why they were all so psychotic. But I enjoyed my imagination. My childhood in general I think is my favorite time of my life. It was simple and easy. My middle school years went by in a haze. I still don’t remember much about those years. I did meet my current best friend of 10 years…Tits McGee (she is extremely well endowed). We are the only two left out of our original group of friends. There were a lot of us in the beginning but then growing up and stupid fights kind of made most of us go our separate ways. And the fighting thing is why I still prefer to have guys for friends. Girls have way too much drama and drag it out. High School was kind of a haze as well, only I remember a lot more of it. I still think those people who say high school are the best years is full of shit. Freshman year kinda sucked. I still kinda looked like a geek (still do some days) and I was trying to come back from stupid preppie girls making up the lie that I was a lesbian back in middle school. I wore a shirt one day making fun of boys and automatically I was gay. Which there is nothing wrong with that, I have friends that are gay, but the fact of the point was that I was not and that kind of rumor can really hurt a persons dating options for the next few years. But then I finally had my first boyfriend. He was scary. Had been friends with the two morons that did Columbine. I didn’t know that fact until much later. I mainly dated him because it was someone who showed interest in my and he seemed okay at first. Basically he became overly attached, bad things happened, he tried to commit suicide, his father sent him back to Colorado to his mother and I dumped him. Granted I didn’t come out of that situation unscathed either, but at least I came out of it. Then just as I got out of that mess at the end of freshman year my parents decided to get divorced. Mom and I moved out and lived with grandma for a few weeks then moved to a duplex and Mom’s new boyfriend moved in. Dad had a nervous breakdown and forever changed. He went from the Dad I knew to a very bitter and hate ridden individual (he has gotten better but it’s taken a long time). My sophomore year was hectic. Lost a lot of friends but also gained some really good ones. My best friend Tit McGee’s little brother Chipmunk introduced me to his best friend Ripper and Ripper and I fell in love. Granted I was only 16 but I think you can find love anytime. Had one of those fireworks floating off the ground kisses and we were hooked. I spent most of my evenings at Rippers house a couple blocks away from where I lived. Ripper, Chipmunk, Cricket, Shorty and I all had really fun times doing nothing. I learned a lot about video games hanging out with all guys. Also took up cussing and smoking. Ripper was on probation for drugs and stuff but had been clean over a year when I met him and doing really well in school. But at this point in my life I also started smoking weed. Tits McGee and I had another good friend Steven (I’ll use his real name, since he didn’t have a nick name) that was older than we were and lived with his older brother Mouse (don’t know his real name). Steven and Mouse had the best hook up in town. We even smoked with cops. Tits McGee and I played our Christmas band concert high. I had a solo and played the best I ever had. It was rather entertaining. Life went on this way for a while. Spending time with Ripper and friends and Tits McGee and Steven. Then Mom decided I probably should quit getting high and decided to step in and set more rules down for me. This went okay. I didn’t mind quitting smoking much and it was easy enough. Then that April Mom and Boyfriend decided to get married. I was okay with it I like Boyfriend (Dad didn’t and I didn’t see much of Dad that year). Then the week before the wedding Mom and Boyfriend tell me we’re moving to Colorado. I hated the idea and hated Colorado…then Ripper and I broke up to top things off. Too many bad changes for me at once and I rebelled. Which led to me going to live with grandma and not see any of my friends unless I did it behind everyone’s back, but also led to Mom and Boyfriend not making me move to Colorado, but to Kearney, NE instead. I had to pick so Kearney it was. In the mean time I started dating Boyfriends step-nephew Weasley, which would after the wedding become my step-step-cousin. It was weird and he was a lot older. After we got moved to Kearney I started my junior year in high school. Then Weasley dumped me. Great way to start out the year. Like the school and teachers but hated the people in school. Very clicky and snoody and weird. So most of my junior year I spent most of my time existing, visiting my cousin that was in college there and playing the field with college guys. Then in March I fell in love…hard. I was in weight lifting class when I saw the most gorgeous guy ever. He was doing squats. It was love at first sight. Of course I didn’t talk to him right away and watched him from a far. Then one day I found out that he was friends with my friend EJ that was in the class with me. She said his name was Petri (that was one of my nicknames for him). She said she’d introduce us. Of course I was a bumbling idiot and turned about as red as a tomato. But then one day after being introduced I decided to as him out. I walked over, more like stumbled over because my legs refused to work right. So after I got over to him with the grace of a newborn giraffe I managed to ask him out without stuttering or messing it up. As long as I had that wall there to lean on so I wouldn’t fall over I was as smooth as ice….and he said yes! I couldn’t believe it. Too bad I hadn’t asked him sooner and I could have taken him to prom instead of my friend Furby (that’s his real last name I swear). So we set a date for March 18th, the day after my prom. We went to the movies and normally I remember what movie I saw for a first date but the only thing I remember about it is when part way through he held my hand. I was in heaven I think we had our first kiss there too (I can’t believe I don’t remember exactly when our first kiss was! I feel terrible. I’m slipping!) After the movie we went and drove around for a while. Then I found this nice little dirt road in the middle of nowhere that led to a dead end and we parked. That’s when we had our first kiss!!! I remember now. We kissed and talked then started to make out. He was completely wonderful. Not the jock type I was worried he might be. Sensitive, strong, incredibly smart, everything. Well of course the making out led to a lot more. I couldn’t believe we were doing it especially since it was his first time. I felt terrible it wasn’t mine too and wished it could have been. But it was amazing, even for being in the cramped front seat of my 91’ grand am. After that we went and got something to eat :p and stopped by my cousins’ dorm room and I introduced him. Then I finally had to take him home. He fell in love that night too. From there on we were pretty much inseparable. He couldn’t believe the way he felt. I couldn’t believe the way I felt. We talked, we walked, we went to movies, we made love it was wonderful. And my Mom and now Step dad loved him. Petri had told me he never got very involved with anyone he dated because he refused to make that person his world and blah blah. Well I changed that and he liked it. One night after we’d be going out for about 3 months we were in my basement and had just gotten done making love by candlelight. We were on my couch snuggling naked under a blanket when he asked me to marry him. (Yes I know were were only in high school I was 17 he was 16 but I don’t care.) Of course I told him yes and it was pure bliss. We set a date of July 7th the year he would graduate 2003. We spent lots more time together and all day together over the summer. Then right at the beginning of the next school year his mom flipped out mentally and sent him to live with his father up in Ainsworth, NE. A 3 hour drive. This devastated both of us. But we were determined to make it work. His father didn’t like us being so serious but realized there wasn’t much he could do about it at the time. So on the weekends I’d drive to Ainsworth to go see him and we still had a wonderful time together. Then finally his mom got better and her and I started getting a long again and he came down to Kearney more often. When my graduation rolled around I don’t know what I would have done without him. He was my rock that day when everything was so hectic. Everything went great that summer for a while, and we were still planning on getting married the next year. Then stress, distance, his father and life got in the way. We broke up in September of 2002. It crushed me. But we said it wasn’t forever. It was just to take a breather from stuff for a while. We still talked all the time and I remember the last kiss we ever had. He was at his grandmothers in North Platte and I was there to see my grandma. I went over and picked him up and we spent some time together. He still had that sparkle in his eye when he looked at me. We kissed that day and it was the last time. Still to this day I think he’s the one I was really supposed to be with but we let fear get in the way of us finding each other again. After we broke up I met who is now my Husband. We met online and when I started dating him I was just dating him for a good time, nothing serious. Then somehow I settled. He came with a lot of baggage. A baby boy, and a wife he was divorcing that would prove to make many problems. So we have now been together since 2002 got married last year and I am just now really listening to what everybody said to me about him and realizing I think I made a mistake. Had lots and lots of turmoil because of ex wife, had baby boy who is now 5 come to live with us because ex wife let her boyfriend beat him and all that stuff that pisses me off to think about. I love Husband, but never was in love with him. I hurt so much from Petri leaving I went on auto pilot and just existed for the last few years (not to mention I’ve gained lots of weight too.) And Husband also has terrible temper that I cannot stand, nor will I tolerate it anymore. We talked about a month ago that I wasn’t happy but didn’t really resolve anything. So we’re in a limbo right now waiting on me to make up my mind on what to do. You will read more on this subject as I keep blogging since it’s my current life. But that should bring you up to speed on me and my life….and this was the short version! Better get to work :P